The roller coaster of the the first weeks...

The first few weeks.  Woah, rollercoaster. 

I have to take Clomid to ovulate due to PCOS.  In the world of infertility, this is practically a NON issue.  We figured it out before we had Collins BEFORE we even started trying and ole’ Clomid gave us Collins on the very first try!  My mom had to take Clomid as well…I took multiple blood tests for several months this time to ensure I wasn’t going to ovulate on my own, and I didn’t.  EVER.  So, back to Clomid it was.  I don’t really analyze it, I trust my doctor and he basically told me my body obviously wasn’t going to ovulate on its own and needed help.  So, Clomid to the rescue.  Yes, Clomid increases your risk of multiples, but…not by THAT much and you still NEVER think it is going to happen to YOU.  When getting pregnant the first time, the possibility of having twins was a tad more on the radar b/c of Clomid, but I still didn’t really give it much thought or expect it.  So, ESPECIALLY after having just ONE baby on Clomid the first time, we definitely didn’t even THINK about having twins this go round.   (Joke was on us, obviously.)  Anyways, just wanted to throw that tidbit out there.  It is EVERYONE’S first reaction to ask if twins run in the family….they don’t.  They are Clomid twins.  It doesn’t really bother me.  I know some people who have to do IVF and such may be more offended by it or may not want to share, but for me, it is what it is and I’m okay with that.  I thank God Clomid was invented so that people like me could have babies.

I took my first pregnancy test on Sunday night, November 17. I’m kind of crazy (yeah, It’s cool) and I was FIVE days pre missed period, but thought…what the hell!?  Got a VERY, VERY faint line.  So confusing.  Over the next five days I probably took 12 more tests…the line ones were still very faint, but I took TWO digital ones that say “pregnant or not pregnant” and they both said NOT PREGNANT.  I was so confused.   Anyways, as time went on lines got darker and every test showed positive.  I was indeed pregnant.   My own fault for testing too early, but that first week was a rollercoaster! 

We decided to tell our immediate families on Thanksgiving.  With Collins, we waited until we had gone to the doctor and gotten an ultrasound at 7 weeks before telling anyone…but I was a little less anxious this go round and decided to spill the beans early. I am so glad we did as it was such a special announcement.  My family was CLUELESS.  CLUELESS, I tell ya…it was hilarious.  My mom knew with Collins when I started Clomid, but I kept it a secret this time.  It was my immediate family and my grandparents and as we went around saying what all we were thankful for I said “I am thankful that Collins is going to be a big sister in July.”  Everyone flipped.  It was perfect.  We told Mikey’s family at his gathering and it was just as fun, it is so exciting taking people by surprise!

I ended up having some spotting early on and had ZERO symptoms of pregnancy which got me kind of scared so we ended up going in for a super early ultrasound on December 5.  I was only 5.5 weeks along. 

December 5: the day that changed our world forever.  We found out there were TWO babies in there.  HOLY HELL, what?!?  I remember thinking the worst going into that ultrasound room, I was even googling ectopic pregnancy (again, I know…I’m crazy).   Mikey noticed the TWO black sacs RIGHT away….but didn’t say anything.  I don’t know why but I guess I forgot what I was looking at and I didn’t realize it.  Anyways, I was a nervous wreck…but I could see ONE little baby in there immediately.  It still took a while being that I was SO early, but the tech found the heartbeat and said “well, there’s the first heartbeat.”  I got big eyed and said “FIRST, what do you mean?!”  *Nervous laughter ensued* She said well….we’ve got two babies in here.  Meanwhile, I think Mikey is smirking b/c he knew the whole time. I started FREAKING out, naturally.  I was shaking so hard she had to hold my knees still so she could get Baby B’s heartbeat.  The way baby B was positioned you couldn’t see him/her on the screen early on.  FINALLY, she got baby B’s heartbeat, but it was pretty low.  She wasn’t overly concerned b/c I was SO early, but I would be scheduled to come back in a few weeks to check again. 

 Our very first ultrasound. 

All I can think is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.  I know that sounds awful…but seriously.  How are we going to afford TWO babies at once. Daycare?  HOLY.  College?  What if it’s two girls….THREE WEDDINGS??  Yes, these are the things that I thought about.  Of course, also being extremely anxious/nervous over the next 2.5 weeks because I was scared for the health of the babies, baby b’s heartbeat, my body, etc. 

SHOCK.  I think Mikey and I just sat with the nurse for the next hour in complete and utter SHOCK as we went over all things pregnancy related.   I kept thinking it was a joke.  Us? With twins?  *even though I took Clomid, I NEVER, EVER in a million years envisioned myself as a twin mama.  The shock has slowly worn off, but I don’t know if this will ever feel real until those babies make their entrance into this world.

The next two weeks were a whirlwind of worry, anxiety, excitement, fear, etc.  We finally went back to the doctor on Monday December 23.  TWO babies looked wonderful at 8.5 weeks along; it was CRAZY to see how much they had grown.  TWO STRONG, FAST heartbeats…baby B even jumped baby A with 182 and A was 179.  This all was starting to feel a bit more real.  This was really happening.  Even though I was still worried about miscarriage, etc. our doctor pretty much told us we were good to go.  I guess once you see a heartbeat the chance of miscarriage is less?  Anyways, again…we were super EXCITED, but also SUPER scared.

8.5 week ultrasound. 

The worrier in me always prevails though.  I am terrified of going on bed rest super early, terrified of whether or not my body will be able to handle this, terrified of how I will be able to be a wonderful mama to THREE babies (3 kids 3 and under). I don’t want Collins to feel neglected, EVER.  I would like to try and give these babies the same amount of “me” as I did Collins, will it be possible?  As I have stated, Collins was a DREAM sleeper (and still is).  There is no way I will have TWO more babies that are dream sleepers, how will I handle this?  SO many questions.  SO many worries. I just have to trust God that everything will be okay.  There’s really nothing else I can do at this point.

We had our 12 week ultrasound and appointment on Friday January 10.  I was technically only like 11.5 weeks, but got to go when the doctor is available.  Babies have grown so much, can’t believe it.  Everything seems good…all I can do is pray, pray, pray for HEALTHY babies. 

11.5 weeks. 

Okay, that’s probably enough blabbing for now….goodness!  Prayers are much appreciated for this journey we are embarking on. 

xoxo